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I bet you never thought you would be in a jam like this.
I used to be a WOVO (Write one visit one) man but a few days ago I switched to WMVM (Write many visit many). I put all my eggs in one basket and lost after I found out my Russian bride who agreed to be in an exclusive one on one relationship with me after I visited her was still making plans to see other men from test e-mails I made up after I came home. I payed heavily not just for the money invested in a visit only to her trip but emotionally that I commited to a fruad. I'm not taking chances like that again. this will be my approach this time.
1) All the ladies I'm serious about visiting will know I a serious man and will make two visits. I will be completely honest with them, they should respect my honesty that I am not hiding anything. My first visit will be as friends and I'm not going on a sex tour (REALLY I'M NOT!) . My second trip will be for a commited relationship with one person that is compatable with me.
2) If a lady refuses to meet me under the circumstances as friends then I will give an appropriate answer to calm her fears such as:
A) I know you probably have many men writing you at this moment and since you have not commited to me in marriage I can not be jealous of you for meeting other men.
B) I am capable of being a one woman man as I was in a serious relationship with a Russian woman before and I was hurt and I realize I need to spend more time to really find the right person face to face and not choose one just through phone and mail. (She should actually respect you for not being a desperate guy that will commit to any woman without ever seeing her) (I would think a woman is a scammer or looney if she is ready to get seriously committed to me based on mail and phone)
C) If she still refuses to see me then I'll say: Sometimes you don't know who the ONE is through all the mail and phone calls. We have gone this far so don't let it end like this before we see each other. Who knows what our fate will be. Take a chance to see me and we may be right for each other. It is better to take a chance in life and know the outcome no matter the results than not taking a chance and never knowing and regretting it.
If she still lets her pride not meet me then she could very well be an unstable, jealous and controlling woman. You don't want that! It shouldn't matter if one or three women don't what to see you if you are seeing other women on your first trip. You aren't married to them and they are'nt your girlfriend yet. If you still want to see them while you're in town and have a break, call them up and say you're in town and they may have second thoughts on seeing you.
I think any intelligent and stable woman would understand some of the words I'm saying and respect my feelings for my approach. Respect goes both ways and if she initially didn't want to see me for seeing other women and changes her mind to seeing me, then that's a very good sign as she is willing to compromise her ideals as a partner should from time to time. Give her extra points for swallowing her pride. Anyway you slice it guys, there is a lot of room for mistakes for both the men and women who search for each other long distance. It's your life, why take a chance with Russian roulette. Give YOURSELF the best chance to succeed in your search and when you find her, then give HER 100% of yourself.
Read your thread about the girl, bummer :wall: . Sounds like you got your act back together and ready to start again.
I think the approach depends on two people communicating ahead of time. Some women want a WOVO, then if that fits you go for it, if it doesn't then those women will drop out. I think the important thing that was mentioned earlier in this thread is to be honest with the women and discuss openly what will work for both of you.
I'm planning on meeting a few, 3-4, and if things work out with one, then I will spend the rest of the time with her and see where it goes from there. I'm sure she would like me to be a WOVO, there is no advantage for her if I'm not. If it didn't work out with us, I'd be hanging. Of course I could go to the agency and meet others, what would they think after I had been writing them then suddenly show up to see them without letting them know I'd be in town. They would know what happened, they would know they were a second choice or less.
I'm still trying to get a feel for if she is desperate or really excited about me. I'm hoping and leaning toward the later. She has not volunteered if she is writing or meeting, or has met others. If she has an issue with me meeting others, I will mention that I have not asked about who she is/has met and what develops between us will be we make of it.
Hope it works, but like everything, it is all subject to change based on the situation at the time.
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