This endeavor is not for the faint-of-heart....but it is not extremely difficult either...unless you let it be so.
You must be a lawyer....or an accountant:-) "Prenups" mean to me....you have not taken the time to get to know each other. It also means to me tha "money" has been put above "trust"...period.
I know of many good women over the years who "walked" on a relationship....because a "prenup" was the ....."but"....before the relationship went further. If I were a woman....I'd probably move on also. "Prenups" seem to take the place of a guy being responsible for his "own" good judgment in choosing a partner.
It tells me that you are already expending energy on (possible) "failure"....when you should be concentrating on doing all you can to make the relationship a success. With "my" Russian bride...the thought never even crossed my mind. Yes...yes...I've heard all of the "what ifs.....I don't buy it. Maybe not having one will make you try a little harder ...
like our parents & grandparents did......when the chips are down.
If you have to "dole out" trust and responsibility "during" your marriage...as you would a child..
..I would suggest just staying single. Such actions aren't going to win any brownie points....with "any" woman.
If you are just too paranoid to deal with someone from another culture...stick to women from the US.
But if you pursue this adventure....it is not really difficult......but there are "rules".....
#1 - "No one" is above rules (ie. "tablets of stone")....as in "but "MY" situation is different". (Almost)every guy who breaks the
the rules.....gets burned.....and blames everything else...other than himself.
#2 - Go meet the woman only in "her" city on the first trip. Meets her friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances etc. See how she treats "them"....not how she treats "you". Someday you will become a ..."them". See how all these people regard...."her".
Yes....a "scrammed" can be a good actress....on "vacation" in another city....or foreign country....but it will be very difficult to not slip-up with all of these other people who know her. If she balks at your suggestion to meet some of these people....you know something is not right. A good woman...who "likes" you....won't need coaxing when it comes to introducing you to the important people in her life. No excuse not to go to "her" city.
#3 - Read the tablets of stone...they are not the opinions of a few....but of most....from "experience" on this forum. Accepting all of them...will keep most people out of trouble....99% of the time. Breaking will increase your chances.....for failure.
#4 - Write one...visit one. Write many...visit one. Write many...visit many. Use an agency.
Doesn't matter.....you will figure out what works for you. Most are of the consensus that "tours" (in most cases) where you attend "socials" is a waste of time. The important thing is "go" to the FSU. If you have only met a woman on vacation...in another country (Turkey, France,
Greece etc.)....then you have learned nothing from "experience" about FSU culture. Go to her city.
My wife (Russian) said to me the other day..."do many of these (American) men "like" to be scammed". She has read many trip reports, threads etc., and could see the mistakes these guys were making...but just wouldn't "see"....or accept. When it comes
to certain rules tat have been established here...after a long track record....don't fall into the trap that "your" situation is the "exception"....it won't be . You "will" become a "cliche" (as in "failure)......though.
#4 - Don't make the mistake that all people (cultures) are basically the same.....so your not having been to the FSU is a non-issue. When you get back from your "first" trip...."then" tell me you feel the same. Accept the rules (don't expect everything to make sense....it won't) of the culture you are visiting....but you still get to hold on to your...."common sense".
#5 - Yes "presents, gifts etc. are a bigger deal in Russia (and for more occasions) than in the US. Its not about "money"....there are "practical" reasons also. Do your homework...read some books on FSU culture.
|
