|
Again, we had a set of bad options.
1.) She could continue working in a very high level job that took up nearly all her time and energy. However, with the time left before her visa, she would not complete her Economics degree and she would not have time to really learn English well.
2.) She could quit her high paying job and take a job with lower requirements. But she was finishing up her degree and she had a daughter at University. It still would not be sufficient to meet her financial needs.
3.) She could quit her job and work full time on completing her degree and learning English. If this allowed her to enter the job market here just one month earlier, it would pay back all the cost.
Option 3 was the obviously correct choice for the family. She objected, but I insisted. We DON'T make our family decisions based upon selfish motives or 'your money-my money' thinking. This was BEST for the family and time has proven that to be a correct analysis.
Was she taking a risk? Well, we spoke about your concern that the relationship might have floundered. But you see, she knew how scrupulously just I am and you don't. She knew that if we decided not to marry that I would continue to support her until she got her feet back under her. If I cause the problem, I fix it. I understood that she is a competent, self-sufficient woman and if the need arose, she would get back on her feet as quickly as possible.
Yeah, yeah. I had friends here telling me that I was crazy. She had friends there telling her that she was crazy. But none of them were in the bedroom with us. None of them were privy to our quiet moments and private conversations. WE knew we were not taking a risk. Our relationship was and is based upon love and trust.
I have absolutely no idea if any couple should or should not emulate how my wife and I did it. You see, my wife and I have a true love, the vozlyublenaya kind, not the izbranik kind. My gut tells me that many of you guys are simply rationalizing your selfishness. Your woman earns $150 per month and she gets by, right? Uh huh. She lives in a one bedroom flat with her parents. Eating meat a second time in a week is a luxury. She wears the same winter coat for a decade. She goes everywhere by trolley and metro. You, on the other hand, come breezing into her city with a daily budget as big as her monthly income. You wow her for a week or two, get engaged and then leave. Back home, you tool around town in your car, eating in restaurants, buying new clothes as you choose and for the most part having the toys you want as you wait for your I-129 to be approved. And you are PROUD of the woman you love because she doesn't complain that you leave her back there in relative poverty. Well, as you sit down to your 20 oz porterhouse, perhaps you should take a moment and think about your jewel of a fiancee as she MAYBE munches upon a little piece of pork. But OF COURSE, you are doing good by her. Lord knows, we wouldn't want her to become 'spoiled' by something like a decent diet.
There is no right or wrong in any absolute sense. Those people who end up happily married have won the game no matter what their strategy might have been. BUT, if its not working for you, perhaps you should rethink your logic. Perhaps your fear of a Russian femme fatale taking you for a couple of grand is keeping you from having a loving relationship based upon equity and honesty.
I don't know about you, but I see a WORLD of difference between an employee and a wife. YES, I expect expense reports and justifications from my employees. But with my wife, we are a FAMILY. It is OUR money. It is spent as is best for ALL members of our family.
As I read all this stuff it SEEMS that your reason for choosing Russian ladies because you think they will be compliant, obedient and won't spend too much of your money. Maybe that is NOT how anyone feels, but that is how it is coming off.
|
